Humor: Best of Fortunes for the year 2012

You dialed 5483.
You dialed 5483.

There was a young man from Stamboul Who boasted so torrid...
There was a young man from Stamboul Who boasted so torrid a tool That each female crater Explored by this satyr Seemed almost unpleasantly cool.

History proves nothing.
History proves nothing.

You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.
You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.

Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion.
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos...
Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants, I come before you to stand behind you To tell you of something I know nothing about. Next Thursday (which is good Friday), There will be a convention held in the Women's...

Under the wide and starry sky, Dig my grave and let...
Under the wide and starry sky, Dig my grave and let me lie, Glad did I live and gladly die, And laid me down with a will, And this be the verse that you grave for me, Here he lies where he longed to be, Home is the sailor home from the sea, And...

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you...
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are real good, you will get out of it.

"The Computer made me do it."
"The Computer made me do it."

A man goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit...
A man goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit. The first thing he notices is that the arms are too long. "No problem," says the tailor. "Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. See, now it's...