Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Monday July 4, 2016

A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine...
A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine. On the twenty-third stroke The fuckin' thing broke And beat both his balls to a creame.

There once was a Scot named McAmeter With a tool of prodigious...
There once was a Scot named McAmeter With a tool of prodigious diameter. It was not the size That cause such surprise; 'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.

There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when...
There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when I say, That in spite of high station, Rank and education, She always spelled cunt with a 'k'.

There was a young man from East Lizes Whose balls were of...
There was a young man from East Lizes Whose balls were of two different sizes One was so small It was no ball at all The other was large and won prizes.

There was an old lady of Glascow, Whose party proved quite...
There was an old lady of Glascow, Whose party proved quite a fiasco. At nine-thirty, about, The lights all went out, Through a lapse on the part of the Gas Co.