Freebsd Fortunes 7

When I was a kid, we had a quick-sand box in the backyard.
I was an only child... eventually.
                -- Steven Wright

When I was a young man, I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal
woman.  Well, I found her -- but alas, she was waiting for the ideal man.
                -- Robert Schuman

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if
I had any firearms with me.  I said, "Well, what do you need?"
                -- Steven Wright

When I was growing up my mother kept telling me we're just friends.

I tell ya I was an ugly kid.  I was so ugly that my Dad kept the kid's
picture that came with the wallet he bought.
                -- Rodney Dangerfield

When I was in college, there were a lot of four-letter words you couldn't
say in front of girls.  Now you can say them.  But you can't say "girls".

When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam:
I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
                -- Woody Allen

When I was little, I went into a pet shop and they asked how big I'd get.
                -- Rodney Dangerfield

When I was seven years old, I was once reprimanded by my mother for an act
of collective brutality in which I had been involved at school.  A group of
seven-year-olds had been teasing and tormenting a six-year-old.  "It is
always so," my mother said.  "You do things together which not one of you
would think of doing alone."  ...  Wherever one looks in the world of human
organization, collective responsibility brings a lowering of moral standards.
The military establishment is an extreme case, an organization which seems
to have been expressly designed to make it possible for people to do things
together which nobody in his right mind would do alone.
                -- Freeman Dyson, "Weapons and Hope"

When I was young we didn't have MTV; we
had to take drugs and go to concerts.
                -- Steven Pearl

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot
remember any but the things that never happened.  It is sad to go to
pieces like this but we all have to do it.
                -- Mark Twain