Freebsd Fortunes 7

We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they
remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that
the lack of learning combined with sound common sense is more helpful than
the kind of cleverness that gets out of hand, and that as a general rule,
states are better governed by the man in the street than by intellectuals.
These are the sort of people who want to appear wiser than the laws, who
want to get their own way in every general discussion, because they feel that
they cannot show off their intelligence in matters of greater importance, and
who, as a result, very often bring ruin on their country.
                -- Cleon, Thucydides, III, 37 translation by Rex Warner

We the unwilling, led by the ungrateful, are doing the impossible.
We've done so much, for so long, with so little,
that we are now qualified to do something with nothing.

We the Users, in order to form a more perfect system, establish priorities,
ensure connective tranquility, provide for common repairs, promote
preventive maintenance, and secure the blessings of liberty for ourselves
and our processes, do ordain and establish this Software of The Unixed States
of America.

We thrive on euphemism.  We call multi-megaton bombs "Peace-keepers", closet
size apartments "efficient" and incomprehensible artworks "innovative".  In
fact, "euphemism" has become a euphemism for "bald-faced lie".  And now, here
are the euphemisms so colorfully employed in Personal Ads:

EUPHEMISM                       REALITY
-------------------             -------------------------
Excited about life's journey    No concept of reality
Spiritually evolved             Oversensitive
Moody                           Manic-depressive
Soulful                         Quiet manic-depressive
Poet                            Boring manic-depressive
Sultry/Sensual                  Easy
Uninhibited                     Lacking basic social skills
Unaffected and earthy           Slob and lacking basic social skills
Irreverent                      Nasty and lacking basic social skills
Very human                      Quasimodo's best friend
Swarthy                         Sweaty even when cold or standing still
Spontaneous/Eclectic            Scatterbrained
Flexible                        Desperate
Aging child                     Self-centered adult
Youthful                        Over 40 and trying to deny it
Good sense of humor             Watches a lot of television

We thrive on euphemism.  We call multi-megaton bombs "Peace-keepers", closet
size apartments "efficient" and incomprehensible artworks "innovative".  In
fact, "euphemism" has become a euphemism for "bald-faced lie".  And now, here
are the euphemisms so colorfully employed in Personal Ads:

EUPHEMISM                       REALITY
-------------------             -------------------------
Independent thinker             Crazy
High spirited                   Crazy and hyperactive
Free spirited                   Crazy and irresponsible
Outrageous                      Crazy and obnoxious
Exotic                          Crazy with a pierced nose/nipple
Cuddly                          Overweight
Huggable/Zaftig/Rubenesque      Fat (there's a lot to love)
Big and beautiful               Really Fat
Fat 'n' sassy                   Really Fat and loud
Svelte/Slender                  Anorexic
Dynamic                         Pushy
Assertive                       Pushy with a mean streak
Feisty/Ambitious                Would kill own mother for next corporate rung
Demanding                       Will make your life a living hell
Looking for Mr./Ms. Right       Looking for Mr./Ms. Rich

We totally deny the allegations, and
we're trying to identify the allegators.

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem.
There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your
borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.
                -- Ohio Lt. Governor Paul Leonard

[We] use bad software and bad machines for the wrong things.
                -- R.W. Hamming

We warn the reader in advance that the proof presented here
depends on a clever but highly unmotivated trick.
                -- Howard Anton, "Elementary Linear Algebra"

We was playin' the Homestead Grays in the city of Pitchburgh.  Josh
[Gibson] comes up in the last of the ninth with a man on and us a run
behind.  Well, he hit one.  The Grays waited around and waited around,
but finally the empire rules it ain't comin' down.  So we win.  The
next day, we was disputin' the Grays in Philadelphia when here come
a ball outta the sky right in the glove of the Grays' center fielder.
The empire made the only possible call.  "You're out, boy!" he says
to Josh.  "Yesterday, in Pitchburgh."
                -- Satchel Paige