Freebsd Fortunes 7

We totally deny the allegations, and
we're trying to identify the allegators.

We tried to close Ohio's borders and ran into a Constitutional problem.
There's a provision in the Constitution that says you can't close your
borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce.
                -- Ohio Lt. Governor Paul Leonard

[We] use bad software and bad machines for the wrong things.
                -- R.W. Hamming

We warn the reader in advance that the proof presented here
depends on a clever but highly unmotivated trick.
                -- Howard Anton, "Elementary Linear Algebra"

We was playin' the Homestead Grays in the city of Pitchburgh.  Josh
[Gibson] comes up in the last of the ninth with a man on and us a run
behind.  Well, he hit one.  The Grays waited around and waited around,
but finally the empire rules it ain't comin' down.  So we win.  The
next day, we was disputin' the Grays in Philadelphia when here come
a ball outta the sky right in the glove of the Grays' center fielder.
The empire made the only possible call.  "You're out, boy!" he says
to Josh.  "Yesterday, in Pitchburgh."
                -- Satchel Paige

We were happily married for eight months.  Unfortunately, we
were married for four and a half years.
                -- Nick Faldo

We were so poor that we thought new clothes meant someone had died.

We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog.
If we heard a noise at night, we'd bark ourselves.
                -- Crazy Jimmy

We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength.  But there was
also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a
French restaurant. [...]
        I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk
white BMW and her Jordache smile.  There had been a fight.  I had punched her
boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls.  Everyone told him, "You ride the
bull, senor.  You do not fight it."  But he was lean and tough like a bad
rib-eye and he fought the bull.  And then he fought me.  And when we finished
there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. [...]
        "Stop the car," the girl said.
        There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes.  She knew about the
woman of the tollway.  I knew not how.  I started to speak, but she raised an
arm and spoke with a quiet and peace I will never forget.
        "I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle," she said, "the tollway
belle's for thee."
        The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie.
Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey
onto my granola and faced a new day.
                -- Peter Applebome, International Imitation Hemingway
                   Competition

We who revel in nature's diversity and feel instructed by every animal
tend to brand Homo sapiens as the greatest catastrophe since the Cretaceous
extinction.
                -- S.J. Gould