Freebsd Fortunes 4

I had the rare misfortune of being one of the first people to try and
implement a PL/1 compiler.
                -- T. Cheatham

I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense.

I hate babies.  They're so human.
                -- H.H. Munro

I hate dying.
                -- Dave Johnson

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day cause that means
it's going to be up all night.
                -- Steven Wright

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them,
and I know how bad I am.
                -- Samuel Johnson

I hate quotations.
                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park
there's nothing else to do.
                -- Lenny Bruce

I hate trolls.  Maybe I could metamorph it into something else -- like a
ravenous, two-headed, fire-breathing dragon.
                -- Willow

I have a box of telephone rings under my bed.  Whenever I get lonely, I
open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call.  One day I dropped the
box all over the floor.  The phone wouldn't stop ringing.  I had to get
it disconnected.  So I got a new phone.  I didn't have much money, so I
had to get an irregular.  It doesn't have a five.  I ran into a friend
of mine on the street the other day.  He said why don't you give me a
call.  I told him I can't call everybody I want to anymore, my phone
doesn't have a five.  He asked how long had it been that way.  I said I
didn't know -- my calendar doesn't have any sevens.
                -- S. Wright