Freebsd Fortunes

Since I hurt my pendulum
My life is all erratic.
My parrot, who was cordial,
Is now transmitting static.
The carpet died, a palm collapsed,
The cat keeps doing poo.
The only thing that keeps me sane
Is talking to my shoe.
                -- My Shoe

Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
alive.
                -- John Sloan

Since we're all here, we must not be all there.
                -- Bob "Mountain" Beck

[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the
vices I admire.
                -- Winston Churchill

Sixtus V, Pope from 1585 to 1590 authorized a printing of the Vulgate
Bible.  Taking no chances, the pope issued a papal bull automatically
excommunicating any printer who might make an alteration in the text.
This he ordered printed at the beginning of the Bible.  He personally
examined every sheet as it came off the press.  Yet the published
Vulgate Bible contained so many errors that corrected scraps had to be
printed and pasted over them in every copy.  The result provoked wry
comments on the rather patchy papal infallibility, and Pope Sixtus had
no recourse but to order the return and destruction of every copy.

Skinner's Constant (or Flannagan's Finagling Factor):
        That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to,
or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should
have gotten.

Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes
to work.

Slaves are generally expected to sing as well as to work ... I did not,
when a slave, understand the deep meanings of those rude, and
apparently incoherent songs.  I was myself within the circle, so that I
neither saw nor heard as those without might see and hear.  They told a
tale which was then altogether beyond my feeble comprehension:  they
were tones, loud, long and deep, breathing the prayer and complaint of
souls boiling over with the bitterest anguish.  Every tone was a
testimony against slavery, and a prayer to God for deliverance from
chains.
                -- Frederick Douglass

Slick's Three Laws of the Universe:
        (1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad
            check.
        (2) A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
        (3) There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is
            attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is
            attracted to dark objects.

Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...