Freebsd Fortunes 6

The astronomer Francesco Sizi, a contemporary of Galileo, argues that
Jupiter can have no satellites:

        There are seven windows in the head, two nostrils, two ears, two
eyes, and a mouth; so in the heavens there are two favorable stars, two
unpropitious, two luminaries, and Mercury alone undecided and indifferent.
From which and many other similar phenomena of nature such as the seven
metals, etc., which it were tedious to enumerate, we gather that the number
of planets is necessarily seven. [...]
        Moreover, the satellites are invisible to the naked eye and
therefore can have no influence on the earth and therefore would be useless
and therefore do not exist.

The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.

The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she
knows that the average man can see much better than he can think.
                -- Ladies' Home Journal

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in
the morning feeling just terrible.
                -- Jean Kerr

The average income of the modern teenager is about 2AM.

The average individual's position in any hierarchy is a lot like pulling
a dogsled -- there's no real change of scenery except for the lead dog.

The average nutritional value of promises is roughly zero.

The average Ph.D thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from
one graveyard to another.
                -- J. Frank Dobie, "A Texan in England"

The average woman must inevitably view her actual husband with a certain
disdain; he is anything but her ideal.  In consequence, she cannot help
feeling that her children are cruelly handicapped by the fact that he is
their father.
                -- Mencken

The avocation of assessing the failures of better men can be turned
into a comfortable livelihood, providing you back it up with a Ph.D.
                -- Nelson Algren, "Writers at Work"