Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of May, 2024

There was a young woman from Bude, Who went for a swim in...
There was a young woman from Bude, Who went for a swim in the nude, But a man in a punt, Grabbed at her elbow, And said "Hey, lady, you can't swim here, it's private property."

"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'".
"Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'".

Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.

A bad little girl in Madrid, A most reprehensible kid, ...
A bad little girl in Madrid, A most reprehensible kid, Told her Tante Louise That her cunt smelled like cheese, And the worst of it was that it did!

A busy young lady named Gloria Was had by Sir Gerald...
A busy young lady named Gloria Was had by Sir Gerald du Maurier And then by six men, Sir Gerald again, And the band at the Waldorf-Astoria.

A silly young man from Hong Kong Had hands that were skinny...
A silly young man from Hong Kong Had hands that were skinny and long. He ate rice with his fingers-- The taste of it lingers, But now all his fingers are gone.

A software technician from Digital Had hardware extremely...
A software technician from Digital Had hardware extremely prodigical. It's rumoured, I hear, That when he was near He made the ladies all flustered and fidgital.

From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed...
From deep in the crypt at St. Giles Came a bellow that echoed for miles. Said the rector, "My gracious, Has Father Ignatius Forgotten the Bishop has piles!?"

There once was a gouty old colonel Who grew glum when...
There once was a gouty old colonel Who grew glum when the weather grew vernal, And he cried in his tiffin For his prick wouldn't stiffen, And the size of the thing was infernal.

There once was a lady from Exeter, So pretty that men craned...
There once was a lady from Exeter, So pretty that men craned their necks at her. One was even so brave As to take out and wave The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.