Freebsd Fortunes 2

An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity
in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him.
        "Well, zayda, it's sort of like this.  Einstein says that if
you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like
an hour.  But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an
hour seems like a minute."
        The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a
moment and says, "And from this he makes a living?"
                -- Arthur Naiman

An old man is lying on his deathbed with all his children, grandchildren and
great-grandchildren gathered around, teary-eyed at the approaching finale of
a deeply loved family member.  The old man is in a light coma, and the doctors
have confirmed that the waiting will be over within the next twenty-four
hours.  Suddenly, the old man opens his eyes whispers: "I must be dreaming
of heaven...  I smell my daughter Lisle's strudel."
        "No, no, grandfather, you are not dreaming", he is reassured.
"Grandmother is baking strudel right now."
        A faint smile crosses the old man's face.  "Go an get me a sliver of
strudel," he says, "she bakes the finest strudel in the world."
        One of the grandchildren is immediately dispatched to honor the old
man's request, and, after what seems a long time, he returns empty-handed.
        "Did you bring me some of Lisle's strudel?", the old man quavers.
        "I'm... I'm very sorry, grandfather, but she says it's for the
funeral."

An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.
                -- Don Marquis

An optimist is a man who looks forward to marriage.
A pessimist is a married optimist.

An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.

An ounce of hypocrisy is worth a pound of ambition.
                -- Michael Korda

An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.
                -- Spanish proverb

Anarchy may not be a better form of government,
but it's better than no government at all.

And all that the Lorax left here in this mess
was a small pile of rocks with the one word, "unless."
Whatever THAT meant, well, I just couldn't guess.
That was long, long ago, and each day since that day,
I've worried and worried and worried away.
Through the years as my buildings have fallen apart,
I've worried about it with all of my heart.

"BUT," says the Oncler, "now that you're here,
the word of the Lorax seems perfectly clear!
UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better - it's not.
So... CATCH!" cries the Oncler.  He lets something fall.
"It's a truffula seed.  It's the last one of all!

"You're in charge of the last of the truffula seeds.
And truffula trees are what everyone needs.
Plant a new truffula -- treat it with care.
Give it clean water and feed it fresh air.
Grow a forest -- protect it from axes that hack.
Then the Lorax and all of his friends may come back!"

And as we stand on the edge of darkness
Let our chant fill the void
That others may know

        In the land of the night
        The ship of the sun
        Is drawn by
        The grateful dead.
                -- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC.