Linux Men Women

My notion of a husband at forty is that a woman should be able to change him,
like a bank note, for two twenties.

Never accept an invitation from a stranger unless he gives you candy.
                -- Linda Festa

Never argue with a woman when she's tired -- or rested.

Never eat at a place called Mom's.  Never play cards with a man named Doc.
And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
                -- Nelson Algren, "What Every Young Man Should Know"

Never go to bed mad.  Stay up and fight.
                -- Phyllis Diller, "Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints"

Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.
                -- Nelson Algren

Never tell.  Not if you love your wife ... In fact, if your old lady walks
in on you, deny it.  Yeah.  Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm
tellin' ya.  This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck `Lay
On Top Of Me Or I'll Die'.  I didn't know what I was gonna do..."
                -- Lenny Bruce

New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age,
and his wife most often reminds him to act it.
                -- Webster's Unafraid Dictionary

No friendship is so cordial or so delicious as that of girl for girl;
no hatred so intense or immovable as that of woman for woman.
                -- Landor

No man can have a reasonable opinion of women until he has long lost
interest in hair restorers.
        -- Austin O'Malley