Linux Men Women

A man was kneeling by a grave in a cemetery, crying and praying very loudly,
        "Oh why..eeeee did you die...eeeeee, Oh Why..eeeeee,
why did you Di......eeee"
The caretaker walks up, pardons himself and asks politely,
        "Excuse me, sir, but I've been seeing you for hours now,
carrying on at this grave.  You must have been very close to the deceased."
        "No, I never met him.  Oh why....eeeee did you dieeeeee,
why....eeeee did you.."
        "Sir, you say you never met this person, yet you carry on so?
Tell, me who is buried here?"
        "My wife's first husband."

A man was talking to his best friend about his married life.  "You know," he
says, "I really trust my wife, and I think she has always been faithful to
me, but there's *always* that doubt.  There's *always* that little doubt."
        "Yeah, I know what you mean," his friend replies.
        "Well, buddy, I've got to leave on a business trip this weekend,
and I wonder... well... would you watch my house while I'm gone?  I trust
her, it's just that there's *always* that doubt."
        The friend agreed to help out and two weeks later gave his report.
        "I've got some bad news for you," says the friend.  "The evening
after you left I saw a strange car pull up in front of your house.  A man
got out of the car and went in the house and had dinner with your wife.
After dinner they went upstairs and I saw your wife kissing him.  Then, he
took off his shirt and she took off her blouse.  And then the light went
out."
        "*Then* what happened?" said the husband, his eyes opening wide.
        "Well, I don't know," replied the friend, "it was too dark to see."
        "Damn!" roared the husband.  "You see what I mean?  There's *always*
that doubt!"

A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.

A man's gotta know his limitations.
                -- Clint Eastwood, "Dirty Harry"

A modest woman, dressed out in all her finery, is the most tremendous object
in the whole creation.
                -- Goldsmith

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman
makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.
                -- Frost

A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space.
                -- Gloria Steinem

A pretty woman can do anything; an ugly woman must do everything.

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions
your wife asks you for nothing.
                -- Joey Adams