Freebsd Fortunes 3

Fortune's nomination for All-Time Champion and Protector of Youthful Morals
goes to Representative Clare E. Hoffman of Michigan.  During an impassioned
House debate over a proposed bill to "expand oyster and clam research," a
sharp-eared informant transcribed the following exchange between our hero
and Rep. John D. Dingell, also of Michigan.

Dingell: "There are places in the world at the present time where we are
          having to artificially propagate oysters and clams."
Hoffman: "You mean the oysters I buy are not nature's oysters?"
Dingell: "They may or may not be natural.  The simple fact of the matter is
          that female oysters through their living habits cast out large
          amounts of seed and the male oysters cast out large amounts of
          fertilization."
Hoffman: "Wait a minute!  I do not want to go into that.  There are many
          teenagers who read The Congressional Record."

FORTUNE'S PARTY TIPS: #14

        Tired of finding that other people are helping themselves to
your good liquor at BYOB parties?  Take along a candle, which you insert
and light after you've opened the bottle.  No one ever expects anything
drinkable to be in a bottle which has a candle stuck in its neck.

Fortune's Rules for Memo Wars: #2

Given the incredible advances in sociocybernetics and telepsychology over
the last few years, we are now able to completely understand everything that
the author of an memo is trying to say.  Thanks to modern developments
in electrocommunications like notes, vnews, and electricity, we have an
incredible level of interunderstanding the likes of which civilization has
never known.  Thus, the possibility of your misinterpreting someone else's
memo is practically nil.  Knowing this, anyone who accuses you of having
done so is a liar, and should be treated accordingly.  If you *do* understand
the memo in question, but have absolutely nothing of substance to say, then
you have an excellent opportunity for a vicious ad hominem attack.  In fact,
the only *inappropriate* times for an ad hominem attack are as follows:

        1: When you agree completely with the author of an memo.
        2: When the author of the original memo is much bigger than you are.
        3: When replying to one of your own memos.

FORTUNE'S RULES TO LIVE BY: #2

        Never goose a wolverine.

FORTUNE'S RULES TO LIVE BY: #23

        Don't cut off a police car when making an illegal U-turn.

Forty isn't old, if you're a tree.

Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
                -- Inventory

Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
-- Dorothy Parker, "Not So Deep as a Well"

Four fifths of the perjury in the world is expended on
tombstones, women and competitors.
                -- Lord Thomas Dewar

Four hours to bury the cat?
Yes, damn thing wouldn't keep still, kept mucking about, 'owling...