Freebsd Fortunes 2

A man was griping to his friend about how he hated to go home after a
late card games.
        "You wouldn't believe what I go through to avoid waking my wife,"
he said.  "First, I kill the engine a block away from the house and coast
into the garage.  Then I open the door slowly, take off my shoes, and
tiptoe to our room.  But just as I'm about to slide into bed, she always
wakes up and gives me hell."
        "I make a big racket when I go home," his friend replied.
        "You do?"
        "Sure.  I honk the horn, slam the door, turn on all the lights,
stomp up to the bedroom and give my wife a big kiss.  `Hi, Alice,' I say.
`How about a little smooch for your old man?'"
        "And what does she say?" his friend asked in disbelief.
        "She doesn't say anything," his buddy replied.  "She always pretends
she's asleep."

A man was kneeling by a grave in a cemetery, crying and praying very loudly,
        "Oh why..eeeee did you die...eeeeee, Oh Why..eeeeee,
why did you Di......eeee"
The caretaker walks up, pardons himself and asks politely,
        "Excuse me, sir, but I've been seeing you for hours now,
carrying on at this grave.  You must have been very close to the deceased."
        "No, I never met him.  Oh why....eeeee did you dieeeeee,
why....eeeee did you.."
        "Sir, you say you never met this person, yet you carry on so?
Tell, me who is buried here?"
        "My wife's first husband."

A man who cannot seduce men cannot save them either.
                -- Soren Kierkegaard

A man who carries a cat by its tail learns something he can learn
in no other way.

A man who fishes for marlin in ponds
will put his money in Etruscan bonds.

A man who likes to lie in bed can usually
find a girl willing to listen to him.

A man who turns green has eschewed protein.

A man with 3 wings and a dictionary is cousin to the turkey.

A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never quite sure.

A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.