Freebsd Fortunes 2

        A man met a beautiful young woman in a bar.  They got along well,
shared dinner, and had a marvelous evening.  When he left her, he told her
that he had really enjoyed their time together, and hoped to see her again,
soon.  Smiling yes, she gave him her phone number.
        The next day, he called her up and asked her to go dancing.  She
agreed.  As they talked, he jokingly asked her what her favorite flower was.
Realizing his intentions, she told him that he shouldn't bring her flowers
-- if he wanted to bring her a gift, well, he should bring her a Swiss Army
knife!
        Surprised, and not a little intrigued, he spent a large part of the
afternoon finding a particularly unusual one.  Arriving at her apartment
he immediately presented her with the knife.  She ooohed and ahhhed over it
for a minute, and then carefully placed it in a drawer, that the man couldn't
help but see was full of Swiss Army knives.
        Surprised, he asked her why she had collected so many.
        "Well, I'm young and attractive now", blushed the woman, "but that
won't always be true.  And boy scouts will do anything for a Swiss Army knife!"

        A man pleaded innocent of any wrong doing when caught by the police
during a raid at the home of a mobster, excusing himself by claiming that he
was making a bolt for the door.

        A man sank into the psychiatrist's couch and said, "I have a
terrible problem, Doctor.  I have a son at Harvard and another son at
Princeton; I've just gifted each of them with a new Ferrari; I've got
homes in Beverly Hills, Palm Beach, and a co-op in New York; and I've
got a thriving ranch in Venezuela.  My wife is a gorgeous young actress
who considers my two mistresses to be her best friends."
        The psychiatrist looked at the patient, confused.  "Did I miss
something?  It sounds to me like you have no problems at all."
        "But, Doctor, I only make $175 a week."

        A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender,
"Do you serve lawyers here?".
        "Sure do," replied the bartender.
        "Good," said the man.  "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for
my 'gator."

        A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his
wife asked "What have you got there?"  Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."

        A man who keeps stealing mopeds is an obvious cycle-path.

        A manager asked a programmer how long it would take him to finish the
program on which he was working.  "I will be finished tomorrow," the programmer
promptly replied.
        "I think you are being unrealistic," said the manager. "Truthfully,
how long will it take?"
        The programmer thought for a moment.  "I have some features that I wish
to add.  This will take at least two weeks," he finally said.
        "Even that is too much to expect," insisted the manager, "I will be
satisfied if you simply tell me when the program is complete."
        The programmer agreed to this.
        Several years slated, the manager retired.  On the way to his
retirement lunch, he discovered the programmer asleep at his terminal.
He had been programming all night.
                -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"

        A manager was about to be fired, but a programmer who worked for him
invented a new program that became popular and sold well.  As a result, the
manager retained his job.
        The manager tried to give the programmer a bonus, but the programmer
refused it, saying, "I wrote the program because I though it was an interesting
concept, and thus I expect no reward."
        The manager, upon hearing this, remarked, "This programmer, though he
holds a position of small esteem, understands well the proper duty of an
employee.  Lets promote him to the exalted position of management consultant!"
        But when told this, the programmer once more refused, saying, "I exist
so that I can program.  If I were promoted, I would do nothing but waste
everyone's time.  Can I go now?  I have a program that I'm working on."
                -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"

        A manager went to the master programmer and showed him the requirements
document for a new application.  The manager asked the master: "How long will
it take to design this system if I assign five programmers to it?"
        "It will take one year," said the master promptly.
        "But we need this system immediately or even sooner!  How long will it
take it I assign ten programmers to it?"
        The master programmer frowned.  "In that case, it will take two years."
        "And what if I assign a hundred programmers to it?"
        The master programmer shrugged.  "Then the design will never be
completed," he said.
                -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"

        A manger went to his programmers and told them: "As regards to your
work hours: you are going to have to come in at nine in the morning and leave
at five in the afternoon."  At this, all of them became angry and several
resigned on the spot.
        So the manager said: "All right, in that case you may set your own
working hours, as long as you finish your projects on schedule."  The
programmers, now satisfied, began to come in a noon and work to the wee
hours of the morning.
                -- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"