Humor: Best of Fortunes for Monday October 27, 2014

Each night Father fills me with dread When he sits on the foot...
Each night Father fills me with dread When he sits on the foot of my bed; I'd not mind that he speaks In gibbers and squeaks, But for the seventeen years he's been dead. -- Edward Gorey

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to...
There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to her kidney. But the man from Quebec Put it up to her neck; He had a big one, now didn't he?

There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed...
There once was a man named Lodge, who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge. When his date was strapped in, He committed a sin, without ever leaving the garage.

Murphy's rule for precision: Measure with a micrometer ...
Murphy's rule for precision: Measure with a micrometer Mark with chalk Cut with an axe