Humor: Best of Fortunes for Saturday February 13, 2016

Since I hurt my pendulum My life is all erratic. My parrot,...
Since I hurt my pendulum My life is all erratic. My parrot, who was cordial, Is now transmitting static. The carpet died, a palm collapsed, The cat keeps doing poo. The only thing that keeps me sane Is talking to my shoe. -- My Shoe

Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody...
Steele's Plagiarism of Somebody's Philosophy: Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.

There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on...
There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on a tandem. At the peak of the make She jammed on the brake And scattered his semen at random.

There once was a man with a hernia Who said to his doctor,...
There once was a man with a hernia Who said to his doctor, "Gol dern ya, When you work on my middle Be sure you don't fiddle With things that do not concern ya."

There was an old lady of Glascow, Whose party proved quite...
There was an old lady of Glascow, Whose party proved quite a fiasco. At nine-thirty, about, The lights all went out, Through a lapse on the part of the Gas Co.

Finagle's Second Law: No matter what the anticipated...
Finagle's Second Law: No matter what the anticipated result, there will always be someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it happened according to his own pet theory.