Humor: Best of Fortunes for the month of December, 2021

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

It's grad exam time... MEDICINE You have been provided...
It's grad exam time... MEDICINE You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. (You have 15 minutes.) HISTORY Describe...

Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous? A: ...
Q: What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous? A: A canary with the super-user password.

A hearty young fellow named Yost Once had an affair with...
A hearty young fellow named Yost Once had an affair with a ghost. At the height of the spasm The poor ectoplasm Cried, "Goodie, I feel it ... almost."

There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out...
There once was a man from Madras, Whose balls were made out of brass. When they clanged together, They played "Stormy Weather", And lightning shot out of his ass.

There was a young lady of Wheeling Said to her beau, "I've...
There was a young lady of Wheeling Said to her beau, "I've a feeling My little brown jug Has need of a plug" -- And straightaway she started to peeling.

There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that...
There was a young man from Kent Whose tool was so long that it bent. To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of coming, he went.

There was a young man from New Haven Who had an affair with...
There was a young man from New Haven Who had an affair with a raven. He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin, "Nevermore!"

There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different...
There was a young man of Devizes Whose balls were of different sizes. His tool when at ease, Hung down to his knees, Oh, what must it be when it rises!

There was a young man of Devizes, Whose balls were of different...
There was a young man of Devizes, Whose balls were of different sizes. One was so small, It was nothing at all; The other took numerous prizes.