Freebsd Fortunes 2

After the ground war began, captured Iraqi soldiers said any of them caught
by superiors wearing a white T-shirt would be executed because of the ease
with which the shirts could be used as surrender flags.  Some Iraqi soldiers
carried bleach with them to make their dark shirts white.
                -- Chuck Shepherd, Funny Times, May 1991

After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access
cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.

After this was written there appeared a remarkable posthumous memoir that
throws some doubt on Millikan's leading role in these experiments.  Harvey
Fletcher (1884-1981), who was a graduate student at the University of Chicago,
at Millikan's suggestion worked on the measurement of electronic charge for
his doctoral thesis, and co-authored some of the early papers on this subject
with Millikan.  Fletcher left a manuscript with a friend with instructions
that it be published after his death; the manuscript was published in
Physics Today, June 1982, page 43.  In it, Fletcher claims that he was the
first to do the experiment with oil drops, was the first to measure charges on
single droplets, and may have been the first to suggest the use of oil.
According to Fletcher, he had expected to be co-authored with Millikan on
the crucial first article announcing the measurement of the electronic
charge, but was talked out of this by Millikan.
                -- Steven Weinberg, "The Discovery of Subatomic Particles"

Robert Millikan is generally credited with making the first really
precise measurement of the charge on an electron and was awarded the
Nobel Prize in 1923.

After two or three weeks of this madness, you begin to feel As One with
the man who said, "No news is good news."  In twenty-eight papers, only
the rarest kind of luck will turn up more than two or three articles of
any interest...  but even then the interest items are usually buried
deep around paragraph 16 on the jump (or "Cont.  on ...")  page...

The Post will have a story about Muskie making a speech in Iowa.  The
Star will say the same thing, and the Journal will say nothing at all.
But the Times might have enough room on the jump page to include a line
or so that says something like:  "When he finished his speech, Muskie
burst into tears and seized his campaign manager by the side of the
neck.  They grappled briefly, but the struggle was kicked apart by an
oriental woman who seemed to be in control."

Now that's good journalism.  Totally objective; very active and
straight to the point.
                -- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing '72"

After years of research, scientists recently reported that there is,
indeed, arroz in Spanish Harlem.

After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!

AFTERNOON:
        That part of the day we spend worrying
        about how we wasted the morning.

Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.

Against Idleness and Mischief

How doth the little busy bee            How skillfully she builds her cell!
Improve each shining hour,              How neat she spreads the wax!
And gather honey all the day            And labours hard to store it well
From every opening flower!              With the sweet food she makes.

In works of labour or of skill          In books, or work, or healthful play,
I would be busy too;                    Let my first years be passed,
For Satan finds some mischief still     That I may give for every day
For idle hands to do.                   Some good account at last.
                -- Isaac Watts, 1674-1748

Against stupidity the very gods Themselves contend in vain.
                -- Friedrich von Schiller, "The Maid of Orleans", III, 6