Freebsd Fortunes 2

                Answers to Last Fortunes' Questions:
1) None. (Moses didn't have an ark).
2) Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle.
3) You don't know.  Neither does your boss.
4) Who cares?
5) 6 (or maybe 4, or else 3).  Mr. Alfred J. Duncan of Podunk, Montana,
   submitted an interesting solution to Problem 5.  Unfortunately, I lost it.
6) I know the answer to this one, but I'm not telling!  Suffer!  Ha-ha-ha!!
7) There is an interesting solution to this problem on page 10,953 of my
   book, which you can pick up for $23.95 at finer bookstores and bathroom
   supply outlets (or 99 cents at the table in front of Papyrus Books).

                Hard Copies and Chmod

And everyone thinks computers are impersonal
cold diskdrives hardware monitors
user-hostile software

of course they're only bits and bytes
and characters and strings
and files

just some old textfiles from my old boyfriend
telling me he loves me and
he'll take care of me

simply a discarded printout of a friend's directory
deep intimate secrets and
how he doesn't trust me

couldn't hurt me more if they were scented in lavender or mould
on personal stationery
                -- terri@csd4.milw.wisc.edu

                `O' LEVEL COUNTER CULTURE
Timewarp allowed: 3 hours.  Do not scrawl situationalist graffiti in the
margins or stub your rollups in the inkwells.  Orange may be worn.  Credit
will be given to candidates who self-actualize.

        1: Compare and contrast Pink Floyd with Black Sabbath and say why
neither has street credibility.
        2: "Even Buddha would have been hard pushed to reach Nirvana squatting
on a juggernaut route."  Consider the dialectic of inner truth and inner
city.
        3: Discuss degree of hassle involved in paranoia about being sucked
into a black hole.
        4: "The Egomaniac's Liberation Front were a bunch of revisionist
ripoff merchants."  Comment on this insult.
        5: Account for the lack of references to brown rice in Dylan's lyrics.
        6: "Castenada was a bit of a bozo."  How far is this a fair summing
up of western dualism?
        7: Hermann Hesse was a Pisces.  Discuss.

                OUTCONERR
Twas FORTRAN as the doloop goes
        Did logzerneg the ifthen block
All kludgy were the function flows
        And subroutines adhoc.

Beware the runtime-bug my friend
        squrooneg, the false goto
Beware the infiniteloop
        And shun the inprectoo.

                Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence
1.      Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a
                nuclear bomb, use the stairs.
2.      When you're flying through the air, remember to roll
                when you hit the ground.
3.      If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials.
4.      Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead
                to psychological problems.
5.      Food will be scarce, you will have to scavenge.   Learn to recognize
                foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes,
                shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc.
6.      Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze, internal organs
                will be scarce in the post-nuclear age.
7.      Try to be neat, fall only in designated piles.
8.      Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas, people could be
                staggering illegally.
9.      Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to one's, but more
                sanitary due to limited circulation.
10.     Accumulate mannequins now, spare parts will be in short
                supply on D-Day.

                The Guy on the Right Doesn't Stand a Chance
The guy on the right has the Osborne 1, a fully functional computer system
in a portable package the size of a briefcase.  The guy on the left has an
Uzi submachine gun concealed in his attache case.  Also in the case are four
fully loaded, 32-round clips of 125-grain 9mm ammunition.  The owner of the
Uzi is going to get more tactical firepower delivered -- and delivered on
target -- in less time, and with less effort.  All for $795. It's inevitable.
If you're going up against some guy with an Osborne 1 -- or any personal
computer -- he's the one who's in trouble.  One round from an Uzi can zip
through ten inches of solid pine wood, so you can imagine what it will do
to structural foam acrylic and sheet aluminum.  In fact, detachable magazines
for the Uzi are available in 25-, 32-, and 40-round capacities, so you can
take out an entire office full of Apple II or IBM Personal Computers tied
into Ethernet or other local-area networks.  What about the new 16-bit
computers, like the Lisa and Fortune?  Even with the Winchester backup,
they're no match for the Uzi.  One quick burst and they'll find out what
Unix means.  Make your commanding officer proud.  Get an Uzi -- and come home
a winner in the fight for office automatic weapons.
                -- "InfoWorld", June, 1984

                The Split-Atom Blues
Gimme Twinkies, gimme wine,
        Gimme jeans by Calvin Kline...
But if you split those atoms fine,
        Mama keep 'em off those genes of mine!
Gimme zits, take my dough,
        Gimme arsenic in my jelly roll...
Call the devil and sell my soul,
        But Mama keep dem atoms whole!
                -- Milo Bloom

                THIS IS PLEDGE WEEK FOR THE FORTUNE PROGRAM

If you like the fortune program, why not support it now with your contribution
of a pithy fortune, clean or obscene?  We cannot continue without your support.
Less than 14% of all fortune users are contributors.  That means that 86% of
you are getting a free ride.  We can't go on like this much longer.  Federal
cutbacks mean less money for fortunes, and unless user contributions increase
to make up the difference, the fortune program will have to shut down between
midnight and 8 a.m.  Don't let this happen.  Mail your fortunes right now to
`fortune'.  Just type in your favorite pithy fortune.  Do it now before you
forget.  Our target is 300 new fortunes by the end of the week.  Don't miss
out.  All fortunes will be acknowledged.  If you contribute 30 fortunes or
more, you will receive a free subscription to "The Fortune Hunter", our monthly
program guide.  If you contribute 50 or more, you will receive a free "Fortune
Hunter" coffee mug!

                What I Did During My Fall Semester
On the first day of my fall semester, I got up.
Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
Then I hung out in front of the Dover.

On the second day of my fall semester, I got up.
Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
Then I hung out in front of the Dover.

On the third day of my fall semester, I got up.
Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic.
I found a thesis topic:
        How to keep people from hanging out in front of the Dover.
                -- Sister Mary Elephant,
                "Student Statement for Black Friday"

              1/2
         /(3)
         |     2                          1/3
         |    z dz cos(3 * PI / 9) = ln (e   )
         |
        / 1

The integral of z squared, dz
From 1 to the square root of 3
        Times the cosine
        Of 3 PI over nine
Is the log of the cube root of e