Freebsd Fortunes 2

===  ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE  ========================

There has been some confusion concerning MAPCAR.
        (DEFUN MAPCAR (&FUNCTIONAL FCN &EVAL &REST LISTS)
                (PROG (V P LP)
                (SETQ P (LOCF V))
        L       (SETQ LP LISTS)
                (

START-FUNCTION-CALL FCN T (LENGTH LISTS) NIL)
        L1      (OR LP (GO L2))
                (AND (NULL (CAR LP)) (RETURN V))
                (

PUSH (CAAR LP))
                (RPLACA LP (CDAR LP))
                (SETQ LP (CDR LP))
                (GO L1)
        L2      (

FINISH-FUNCTION-CALL FCN T (LENGTH LISTS) NIL)
                (SETQ LP (

POP))
                (RPLACD P (SETQ P (NCONS LP)))
                (GO L)))
We hope this clears up the many questions we've had about it.

****  CONVENTION REMINDER

No experiment was approved for the convention by the Human Subjects
Committee of the Psychiatric Convention Planning Team.  If you notice
smoke coming from under a closed door, if you find a body on the hotel
carpet, or if you just meet someone who orders you to press a button
marked "450 volts", react as you would normally.

****  GROWTH CENTER REPAIR SERVICE

For those who have had too much of Esalen, Topanga, and Kairos.
Tired of being genuine all the time?  Would you like to learn how
to be a little phony again?  Have you disclosed so much that you're
beginning to avoid people? Have you touched so many people that
they're all beginning to feel the same? Like to be a little dependent?
Are perfect orgasms beginning to bore you? Would you like, for once,
not to express a feeling?  Or better yet, not be in touch with it at
all?  Come to us.  We promise to relieve you of the burden of your
great potential.

  I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of
     its situation.
        Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland.  He
        loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to
        look down.  At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per
        second per second takes over.
 II. Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
     intervenes suddenly.
        Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon
        characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone
        pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely.
        Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the
        stooge's surcease.
III. Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
     conforming to its perimeter.
        Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the
        speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless
        cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through
        the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole.  The
        threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
                -- Esquire, "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", June 1980

 1.  I'm Not Rudolph; That's Not My Nose
 2.  The Nutcracker Swede
 3.  Santa Goes Round-The-World
 4.  Not-So-Tiny Tim
 5.  Ninja Reindeer Killfest '88
 6.  Yes, Yes, Oh God Yes, Virginia
 7.  Crisco Kringle
 8.  Babes in Boyland
 9.  Santa's Magic Lap
10.  Hot Buttered Elves
                -- David Letterman's "Top Ten Christmas Movies in Times
                   Square"

... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
                -- Mark Twain