Freebsd Fortunes 2
fortune: 451 - 460 of 1371 from freebsd fortunes 2
Motd - Message of the Day
Humor, Quotes, Proverbs, Aphorisms... Ji Funda Jo Hai  
Daily Fortunes Feed Subscribe - Daily Fortunes - motd.ambians.com
Daily fortunes for your site
Sep 25, 2017
Motd Home     Daily Fortunes     Best of Fortunes     Worst of Fortunes

Freebsd Fortunes 2

Fortune: 451 - 460 of 1371 from Freebsd Fortunes 2

Freebsd Fortunes 2:  451 of 1371

 VII. Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
      entrances; others cannot.
        This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least
        it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to
        trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical
        space.  The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to
        follow into the painting.  This is ultimately a problem of art, not
        of science.
VIII. Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.
        Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives
        might comfortably afford.  They can be decimated, spliced, splayed,
        accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be
        destroyed.  After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate,
        elongate, snap back, or solidify.
  IX. For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance.
        This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to
        the physical world at large.  For that reason, we need the relief of
        watching it happen to a duck instead.
   X. Everything falls faster than an anvil.
        Examples too numerous to mention from the Roadrunner cartoons.
                -- Esquire, "O'Donnell's Laws of Cartoon Motion", June 1980
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  452 of 1371

<< WAIT >>
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  453 of 1371

... we must counterpose the overwhelming judgment provided by consistent
observations and inferences by the thousands.  The earth is billions of
years old and its living creatures are linked by ties of evolutionary
descent.  Scientists stand accused of promoting dogma by so stating, but
do we brand people illiberal when they proclaim that the earth is neither
flat nor at the center of the universe?  Science *has* taught us some
things with confidence!  Evolution on an ancient earth is as well
established as our planet's shape and position.  Our continuing struggle
to understand how evolution happens (the "theory of evolution") does not
cast our documentation of its occurrence -- the "fact of evolution" --
into doubt.
                -- Stephen Jay Gould, "The Verdict on Creationism",
                   The Skeptical Inquirer, Vol. XII No. 2.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  454 of 1371

... when fits of creativity run strong, more than one programmer or writer
has been known to abandon the desktop for the more spacious floor.
                -- Fred Brooks
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  455 of 1371

... which reminds me of the Carrot family: Ma Carrot, Pa Carrot, and Baby
Carrot.  One fine spring day they decided to go out for a picnic.  They all
piled into their carrot-mobile and drive out to the country.  But Pa Carrot
wasn't watching where he was going and alas, he hit an oil slick and skidded
right into a tree.  Ma and Pa Carrot escaped with a few cuts and bruises, but
poor Baby Carrot got broken in two.  They frantically rushed him to the
hospital and immediately the doctors started operating in a desperate attempt
to save Baby Carrot's life.  Ma and Pa Carrot were beside themselves with
anxiety ... would poor little Baby Carrot make it?
        After hours of waiting the doctor finally emerges, bleary-eyed and
barely able to walk.
        "Is he all right, is he all right?" Pa Carrot frantically stammers.
        "Well, I have some good news and some bad news," replies the doctor.
        Ma and Pa Carrot look at each other and blurt out, nearly in unison,
"The good news first!"
        "All right, the good news is that Baby Carrot will live."
        "And the bad news?  What's the bad news about our Baby Carrot?"
The doctor puts his hand on Pa Carrot's shoulder and solemnly looks him in
the eye.  "Your son will live... but... he'll be a vegetable for the rest of
his life."
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  456 of 1371

!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I  !pleH
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  457 of 1371

1:      A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane.
2:      An inclined plane is a slope up.
3:      A slow pup is a lazy dog.

QED: A sheet of paper is a lazy dog.
                -- Willard Espy, "An Almanac of Words at Play"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  458 of 1371

(1)     Office employees will daily sweep the floors, dust the
        furniture, shelves, and showcases.
(2)     Each day fill lamps, clean chimneys, and trim wicks.
        Wash the windows once a week.
(3)     Each clerk will bring a bucket of water and a scuttle of
        coal for the day's business.
(4)     Make your pens carefully.  You may whittle nibs to your
        individual taste.
(5)     This office will open at 7 a.m. and close at 8 p.m. except
        on the Sabbath, on which day we will remain closed.  Each
        employee is expected to spend the Sabbath by attending
        church and contributing liberally to the cause of the Lord.
                -- "Office Worker's Guide", New England Carriage
                    Works, 1872
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  459 of 1371

1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  460 of 1371

1.  If it doesn't smell like chilli, it probably isn't.
2.  If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
3.  Cabs driving on the sidewalk are not permitted to pick up passengers.
4.  It's bad manners to lie down inside someone else's chalk body outline.
5.  Don't lick food from a stranger's beard.
6.  Avoid paperwork for your next of kin by keeping dental records on you.
7.  Jon Gotti Always has the right of way.
8.  Yelling at cab drivers in English wastes your time and theirs.
9.  Remember:  Regular hot dogs do not have fingernails.
10. The city does not employ so called "Wallet Inspectors".
                -- David Letterman, "Top Ten New York City Pedestrian Tips"
« Prev Random Freebsd Fortunes 2   Next »
« Prev  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  25  26  27  28  29  30  31  32  33  34  35  36  37  38  39  40  41  42  43  44  45  46  47  48  49  50  51  52  53  54  55  56  57  58  59  60  61  62  63  64  65  66  67  68  69  70  71  72  73  74  75  76  77  78  79  80  81  82  83  84  85  86  87  88  89  90  91  92  93  94  95  96  97  98  99  100  101  102  103  104  105  106  107  108  109  110  111  112  113  114  115  116  117  118  119  120  121  122  123  124  125  126  127  128  129  130  131  132  133  134  135  136  137  138  Next »
Search [help]

About  |  Contact Us  |  Terms of Use  |  Privacy & Disclosure
FreeBsd Quotes  |  Linux Quotes