Freebsd Fortunes 2

1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.

1.  If it doesn't smell like chilli, it probably isn't.
2.  If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
3.  Cabs driving on the sidewalk are not permitted to pick up passengers.
4.  It's bad manners to lie down inside someone else's chalk body outline.
5.  Don't lick food from a stranger's beard.
6.  Avoid paperwork for your next of kin by keeping dental records on you.
7.  Jon Gotti Always has the right of way.
8.  Yelling at cab drivers in English wastes your time and theirs.
9.  Remember:  Regular hot dogs do not have fingernails.
10. The city does not employ so called "Wallet Inspectors".
                -- David Letterman, "Top Ten New York City Pedestrian Tips"

[1] Alexander the Great was a great general.
[2] Great generals are forewarned.
[3] Forewarned is forearmed.
[4] Four is an even number.
[5] Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
[6] The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
        Therefore, Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms.

[1] Alexander the Great was a great general.
[2] Great generals are forewarned.
[3] Forewarned is forearmed.
[4] Four is an even number.
[5] Four is certainly an odd number of arms for a man to have.
[6] The only number that is both even and odd is infinity.
        Therefore, all horses are black.

1. Avoid fried meats which angry up the blood.
2. If your stomach antagonizes you, pacify it with cool thoughts.
3. Keep the juices flowing by jangling around gently as you move.
4. Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as
        the social ramble ain't restful.
5. Avoid running at all times.
6. Don't look back, something might be gaining on you.
                -- S. Paige, c. 1951

1 Billion dollars of budget deficit             = 1 Gramm-Rudman
6.023 x 10 to the 23rd power alligator pears    = Avocado's number
2 pints                                         = 1 Cavort
Basic unit of Laryngitis                        = The Hoarsepower
Shortest distance between two jokes             = A straight line
6 Curses                                        = 1 Hexahex
3500 Calories                                   = 1 Food Pound
1 Mole                                          = 007 Secret Agents
1 Mole                                          = 25 Cagey Bees
1 Dog Pound                                     = 16 oz. of Alpo
1000 beers served at a Twins game               = 1 Killibrew
2.4 statute miles of surgical tubing at Yale U. = 1 I.V.League
2000 pounds of chinese soup                     = 1 Won Ton
10 to the minus 6th power mouthwashes           = 1 Microscope
Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier  = 1 Machturtle
8 Catfish                                       = 1 Octo-puss
365 Days of drinking Lo-Cal beer.               = 1 Lite-year
16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone                  = 1 Rod Serling
Force needed to accelerate 2.2lbs of cookies    = 1 Fig-newton
        to 1 meter per second
One half large intestine                        = 1 Semicolon
10 to the minus 6th power Movie                 = 1 Microfilm
1000 pains                                      = 1 Megahertz
1 Word                                          = 1 Millipicture
1 Sagan                                         = Billions & Billions
1 Angstrom: measure of computer anxiety         = 1000 nail-bytes
10 to the 12th power microphones                = 1 Megaphone
10 to the 6th power Bicycles                    = 2 megacycles
The amount of beauty required launch 1 ship     = 1 Millihelen

1 bulls, 3 cows.

1) Everything depends.
2) Nothing is always.
3) Everything is sometimes.

1) Never draw what you can copy.
2) Never copy what you can trace.
3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.

1. Never give anything away for nothing.  2. Never give more than
you have to (always catch the buyer hungry and always make him wait).
3. Always take back everything if you possibly can.
                -- William S. Burroughs, on drug pushing