Freebsd Fortunes 2

A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by
hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to the West.  They
drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and
found there was no pilot on board.  Terrified, they listened as the sirens
got louder.  Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an
experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.
        He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out.  The sirens
got louder and louder.  Armed men surrounded the jet.  The would be pilot's
friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!!  Hurry!!!"
        The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience.  I'm just a simple
pole in a complex plane."

A bunch of the boys were whooping it in the Malemute saloon;
The kid that handles the music box was hitting a jag-time tune;
Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat Dangerous Dan McGrew,
And watching his luck was his light-o'-love, the lady that's known as Lou.
                -- Robert W. Service

A bureaucrat's idea of cleaning up his files
is to make a copy of everything before he destroys it.

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator.
                -- Paul Valery

"A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAIQURI!!"
                -- Zippy the Pinhead

A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich
and votes from the poor to protect them from each other.

A cannibal warrior is experiencing severe gastric distress, so he goes
to his Village Witch Doctor with his complaint.  The VWD examines him
and, concluding that something he ate disagreed with him, began to cross
examine him about his recent diet.
        "Well, I ate a missionary yesterday.  Do you think that could be
the problem?"
        The VWD says "Hmmmm."  (All doctors say "Hmmmm.")  "That could be.
Tell me a bit about this missionary."
        "Well, he was tall for a white man, wearing a brown robe.  He was
walking down the trail, not watching for danger, so I speared him, dragged
him home, cleaned him, boiled him and ate him."
        "Ah-hah!" (All doctors say "Ah-hah!")  There's your problem," smiles
the VWD.  You boiled him, but he was a friar!"

A career is great, but you can't run your fingers through its hair.

A castaway was washed ashore after many days on the open sea.  The island
on which he landed was populated by savage cannibals who tied him, dazed
and exhausted, to a thick stake.  They then proceeded to cut his arms
with their spears and drink his blood.  This continued for several days
until the castaway could stand no more.  He yelled for the cannibal chief
and declared, "You can kill me if you want to, but this torture with the
spears has got to stop.  Dammit, I'm tired of getting stuck for the drinks."

A casual stroll through a lunatic asylum shows that faith
does not prove anything.
                -- Friedrich Nietzsche