Freebsd Fortunes 2

[A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.
                -- Joseph Campbell

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention,
with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequila.
                -- Mitch Ratcliffe

A computer salesman visits a company president for the purpose of selling
the president one of the latest talking computers.
Salesman:       "This machine knows everything. I can ask it any question
                and it'll give the correct answer.  Computer, what is the
                speed of light?"
Computer:       186,000 miles per second.
Salesman:       "Who was the first president of the United States?"
Computer:       George Washington.
President:      "I'm still not convinced. Let me ask a question.
                Where is my father?"
Computer:       Your father is fishing in Georgia.
President:      "Hah!! The computer is wrong. My father died over twenty
                years ago!"
Computer:       Your mother's husband died 22 years ago. Your father just
                landed a twelve pound bass.

A computer science student and a practical hacker are discussing problems
the computer science student has run in to.

CS Student:     I have this singularly linked tail-queued list and I'm trying
                to make it O(1) to go backwards an item, instead of O(n)...
                What's the best way to go about that?  Should I just use a
                cached hash of each item and put it into a sorted lookup
                table, and cache the hash of the last item in the current
                queue entry and then go to its place in the hash table and
                get the pointer value from there?
Hacker:         No, you should add an item to the structure named 'prev' and
                make it point to the previous item.
CS Student:     But we already have a structure element with that identifier
                and structure elements must have unique names within that
                scope!
Hacker:         So call it 'previous'.

And then the CS Student was enlightened.

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.

A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate
cake without ketchup and mustard.

A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can
do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
                -- Fred Allen

A CONS is an object which cares.
                -- Bernie Greenberg.

A conservative is a man who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
                -- Elbert Hubbard