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A diplomat is a man who can convince his
wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
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A diplomat is a man who can tell you to
go to hell and make the trip sound pleasurable.
-- Samuel Clemens
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A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell
in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
-- Caskie Stinnett, "Out of the Red"
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A diplomat is man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never her age.
-- Robert Frost
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A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember
your birthday when you never look any older?"
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A diplomat's life consists of three things: protocol, Geritol, and alcohol.
-- Adlai Stevenson
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A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Was it true," the woman
inquired, "that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest
of her life?"
She was told that it was. There was just a moment of silence before
the woman proceeded bravely on. "Well, I'm wondering, then, how serious my
condition is. This prescription is marked `NO REFILLS'".
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A diva who specializes in risque arias is an off-coloratura soprano.
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A doctor calls his patient to give him the results of his tests. "I have
some bad news," says the doctor, "and some worse news." The bad news is
that you only have six weeks to live."
"Oh, no," says the patient. "What could possibly be worse than
"Well," the doctor replies, "I've been trying to reach you since
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A doctor was stranded with a lawyer in a leaky life raft in shark-infested
waters. The doctor tried to swim ashore but was eaten by the sharks. The
lawyer, however, swam safely past the bloodthirsty sharks. "Professional
courtesy," he explained.