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A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own
weight in other people's patience.
-- John Updike
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A help wanted add for a photo journalist asked the rhetorical question:
If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save
a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning
photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would
-- Paul Harvey
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A Hen Brooding Kittens
A friend informs us that he saw at the Novato ranch, Marin county,
a few days since, a hen actually brooding and otherwise caring for three
kittens! The gentleman upon whose premises this strange event is transpiring
says the hen adopted the kittens when they were but a few days old, and that
she has devoted them her undivided care for several weeks past. The young
felines are now of respectable size, but they nevertheless follow the hen at
her cluckings, and are regularly brooded at night beneath her wings.
-- Sacramento Daily Union, July 2, 1861
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A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
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A highly intelligent man should take a primitive woman. Imagine if on top
of everything else, I had a woman who interfered with my work.
-- Adolf Hitler
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A holding company is a thing where you hand
an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.
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A Hollywood producer calls a friend, another producer on the phone.
"Hello?" his friend answers.
"Hi!" says the man. "This is Bob, how are you doing?"
"Oh," says the friend, "I'm doing great! I just sold a screenplay
for two hundred thousand dollars. I've started a novel adaptation and the
studio advanced me fifty thousand dollars on it. I also have a television
series coming on next week, and everyone says it's going to be a big hit!
I'm doing *great*! How are you?"
"Okay," says the producer, "give me a call when he leaves."
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A homeowner's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a weekend for?
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"A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book
The Martian Chronicles?' I said, `Yes?' He said, `You know where you
talk about Deimos rising in the East?' I said, `Yes?' He said `No.'
-- So I hit him."
-- attributed to Ray Bradbury
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A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI"