Freebsd Fortunes 2
fortune: 751 - 760 of 1371 from freebsd fortunes 2
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Freebsd Fortunes 2

Fortune: 751 - 760 of 1371 from Freebsd Fortunes 2

Freebsd Fortunes 2:  751 of 1371

A man fell off a mountain and, as he fell, saw a branch and grabbed for it.
By superhuman effort he was able to get a precarious grip on it.  As he
was hanging there for dear life, he looked up and cried out,
        "Is anybody there?"
A deep majestic voice answered,
        "Yes my son, I am here.  What do you need?"
        "Help me!!" cried the man.
        "I will help you", said the voice, "Just let go of the branch and
you'll be safe.  All you have to do is trust."
The man thought for a moment and cried out:
        "Anybody ELSE up there?"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  752 of 1371

A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles
in the road.
                -- Alexander Smith
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  753 of 1371

A man goes into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke.  The man sitting
next to him, a big hulking powerhouse, turns and says menacingly, "*I'm*
Polish."
        He then calls out, "Ivan!  Come over here and bring your brother."
Two men, bigger than the first, appear from the back room.
        "Josef!" the man calls out, "come here a second, and bring Lendl
with you."  Two more men appear, and all five men crowd around the man with
the joke.
        "Now," says the first Polish man, "do you want to finish that joke?"
        "Nah," says the man.
        "Oh, no?  And why not?  I'm sure it was very funny," says the Polish
man, opening and closing his fist.  "Are you scared?"
        "No," replies the man.  "I just don't feel like having to explain it
five times."
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  754 of 1371

A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he is finished.
                -- Zsa Zsa Gabor, "Newsweek"
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  755 of 1371

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
                -- Brendan Francis
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  756 of 1371

A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another
man riding on a camel.  When the rider gets close enough, the crawling man
whispers through his sun-parched lips, "Water... please... can you give...
water..."
        "I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel, "I don't have any water
with me.  But I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."
        "Tie?" whispers the man.  "I need *water*."
        "They're only four dollars apiece."
        "I need *water*."
        "Okay, okay, say two for seven dollars."
        "Please!  I need *water*!", says the man.
        "I don't have any water, all I have are ties," replies the salesman,
and he heads off into the distance.
        The man, losing track of time, crawls for what seems like days.
Finally, nearly dead, sun-blind and with his skin peeling and blistering, he
sees a restaurant in the distance.  Summoning the last of his strength he
staggers up to the door and confronts the head waiter.
        "Water... can I get... water," the dying man manages to stammer.
        "I'm sorry, sir, ties required."
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  757 of 1371

A man is known by the company he organizes.
                -- A. Bierce
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  758 of 1371

A man is like a rusty wheel on a rusty cart,
He sings his song as he rattles along and then he falls apart.
                -- Richard Thompson
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  759 of 1371

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
                -- Groucho Marx
 
Freebsd Fortunes 2:  760 of 1371

A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by, the
longest procession he's ever seen.  It seems to consist of the hearse,
followed by a man with a Doberman on a leash, followed by several hundred
other men.  After watching for a few minutes, he can restrain his curiosity
no longer, and walks up to one of the mourners.
        "Excuse me, sir, I don't mean to bother you in your moment of grief,
but this is the strangest procession I've ever seen.  What happened, who is
the funeral for?"
        "Well, it's nothing special, really, the funeral is for the mother-
in-law of the man at the front of the procession.  You see, his Doberman
attacked and killed her."
        "That's awful!", replies the onlooker.  "But... um... tell me, you
don't think he'd let me borrow that dog, do you?"
        "Get in line, buddy," replies the mourner, "get in line."
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