Freebsd Fortunes 2

A man goes into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke.  The man sitting
next to him, a big hulking powerhouse, turns and says menacingly, "*I'm*
Polish."
        He then calls out, "Ivan!  Come over here and bring your brother."
Two men, bigger than the first, appear from the back room.
        "Josef!" the man calls out, "come here a second, and bring Lendl
with you."  Two more men appear, and all five men crowd around the man with
the joke.
        "Now," says the first Polish man, "do you want to finish that joke?"
        "Nah," says the man.
        "Oh, no?  And why not?  I'm sure it was very funny," says the Polish
man, opening and closing his fist.  "Are you scared?"
        "No," replies the man.  "I just don't feel like having to explain it
five times."

A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he is finished.
                -- Zsa Zsa Gabor, "Newsweek"

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
                -- Brendan Francis

A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another
man riding on a camel.  When the rider gets close enough, the crawling man
whispers through his sun-parched lips, "Water... please... can you give...
water..."
        "I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel, "I don't have any water
with me.  But I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."
        "Tie?" whispers the man.  "I need *water*."
        "They're only four dollars apiece."
        "I need *water*."
        "Okay, okay, say two for seven dollars."
        "Please!  I need *water*!", says the man.
        "I don't have any water, all I have are ties," replies the salesman,
and he heads off into the distance.
        The man, losing track of time, crawls for what seems like days.
Finally, nearly dead, sun-blind and with his skin peeling and blistering, he
sees a restaurant in the distance.  Summoning the last of his strength he
staggers up to the door and confronts the head waiter.
        "Water... can I get... water," the dying man manages to stammer.
        "I'm sorry, sir, ties required."

A man is known by the company he organizes.
                -- A. Bierce

A man is like a rusty wheel on a rusty cart,
He sings his song as he rattles along and then he falls apart.
                -- Richard Thompson

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
                -- Groucho Marx

A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by, the
longest procession he's ever seen.  It seems to consist of the hearse,
followed by a man with a Doberman on a leash, followed by several hundred
other men.  After watching for a few minutes, he can restrain his curiosity
no longer, and walks up to one of the mourners.
        "Excuse me, sir, I don't mean to bother you in your moment of grief,
but this is the strangest procession I've ever seen.  What happened, who is
the funeral for?"
        "Well, it's nothing special, really, the funeral is for the mother-
in-law of the man at the front of the procession.  You see, his Doberman
attacked and killed her."
        "That's awful!", replies the onlooker.  "But... um... tell me, you
don't think he'd let me borrow that dog, do you?"
        "Get in line, buddy," replies the mourner, "get in line."

A man is walking down the street when he sees a man with four arms, and
antennae coming out of his head.  He goes up to him and says, "You're not
from around here, are you?"
        "No," replies the man with the antennae.
        "You know," continues the man, "I don't think you're an American,
either.  In fact, I bet you don't even come from this planet!"
        "Right again," says the man with four arms.  "I'm from Mars."
        "Well," says the man, "that's quite some configuration you've got
there, with those four arms and those antennae and everything."
        "We Martians all have four arms and antennae."
        "Well, that's just amazing," replies the man, "and how about that
big gold colored plate in the middle of your chest, what's that, do all
Martians have that?"
        "Well, no," says the Martian.  "Not the *goyim*."

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be
bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
                -- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle"