Freebsd Fortunes 2

A man is walking along when he sees a funeral procession going by, the
longest procession he's ever seen.  It seems to consist of the hearse,
followed by a man with a Doberman on a leash, followed by several hundred
other men.  After watching for a few minutes, he can restrain his curiosity
no longer, and walks up to one of the mourners.
        "Excuse me, sir, I don't mean to bother you in your moment of grief,
but this is the strangest procession I've ever seen.  What happened, who is
the funeral for?"
        "Well, it's nothing special, really, the funeral is for the mother-
in-law of the man at the front of the procession.  You see, his Doberman
attacked and killed her."
        "That's awful!", replies the onlooker.  "But... um... tell me, you
don't think he'd let me borrow that dog, do you?"
        "Get in line, buddy," replies the mourner, "get in line."

A man is walking down the street when he sees a man with four arms, and
antennae coming out of his head.  He goes up to him and says, "You're not
from around here, are you?"
        "No," replies the man with the antennae.
        "You know," continues the man, "I don't think you're an American,
either.  In fact, I bet you don't even come from this planet!"
        "Right again," says the man with four arms.  "I'm from Mars."
        "Well," says the man, "that's quite some configuration you've got
there, with those four arms and those antennae and everything."
        "We Martians all have four arms and antennae."
        "Well, that's just amazing," replies the man, "and how about that
big gold colored plate in the middle of your chest, what's that, do all
Martians have that?"
        "Well, no," says the Martian.  "Not the *goyim*."

A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be
bothered with sex and all that sort of thing.
                -- W. Somerset Maugham, "The Circle"

A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.
                -- Samuel Johnson

A man may sometimes be forgiven the kiss to which he is not entitled,
but never the kiss he has not the initiative to claim.

A man may well bring a horse to the water,
but he cannot make him drink with he will.
                -- John Heywood

A man of genius makes no mistakes.
His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery.
                -- James Joyce, "Ulysses"

A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.

A man said to the Universe:
        "Sir, I exist!"
        "However," replied the Universe,
        "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."
                -- Stephen Crane

A man took his wife deer hunting for the first time.  After he'd given her
some basic instructions, they agreed to separate and rendezvous later.  Before
he left, he warned her if she should fell a deer to be wary of hunters who
might beat her to the carcass and claim the kill.  If that happened, he told
her, she should fire her gun three times into the air and he would come to
her aid.
        Shortly after they separated, he heard a single shot, followed quickly
by the agreed upon signal.  Running to the scene, he found his wife standing
in a small clearing with a very nervous man staring down her gun barrel.
        "He claims this is his," she said, obviously very upset.
        "She can keep it, she can keep it!" the wide-eyed man replied.  "I
just want to get my saddle back!"