Freebsd Fortunes 2

A master was asked the question, "What is the Way?" by a curious monk.
        "It is right before your eyes," said the master.
        "Why do I not see it for myself?"
        "Because you are thinking of yourself."
        "What about you: do you see it?"
        "So long as you see double, saying `I don't', and `you do', and so
on, your eyes are clouded," said the master.
        "When there is neither `I' nor `You', can one see it?"
        "When there is neither `I' nor `You',
who is the one that wants to see it?"

A mathematician, a doctor, and an engineer are walking on the beach and
observe a team of lifeguards pumping the stomach of a drowned woman.  As
they watch, water, sand, snails and such come out of the pump.
        The doctor watches for a while and says: "Keep pumping, men, you may
yet save her!!"
        The mathematician does some calculations and says: "According to my
understanding of the size of that pump, you have already pumped more water
from her body than could be contained in a cylinder 4 feet in diameter and
6 feet high."
        The engineer says: "I think she's sitting in a puddle."

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
                -- P. Erdos

A meeting is an event at which the
minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader,
but to protect the writer.
                -- Dean Acheson

A method of solution is perfect if we can forsee from the start,
and even prove, that following that method we shall attain our aim.
                -- Leibnitz

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed
on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new
game.  Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the
pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly
along it at the water's edge.  Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their
heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn
around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite
direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.  Then, the
paper reports "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin
colony and overfly it.  Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins
fall over gently onto their backs.
                -- Audobon Society Magazine

2001-02-02, from http://news.bbc.co.uk:

For five weeks, a team from the British Antarctic Survey (BAS)
monitored 1,000 king penguins on the island of South Georgia as
Lynx helicopters passed overhead.

"Not one king penguin fell over when the helicopters came over,"
said team leader Dr Richard Stone.

"As the aircraft approached, the birds went quiet and stopped
calling to each other, and adolescent birds that were not associated
with nests began walking away from the noise. Pure animal instinct,
really."

The conclusion, said Dr Stone, is that flights over 305 metres
(1,000 feet) caused "only minor and transitory ecological effects"
on king penguins.

A mighty creature is the germ,
Though smaller than the pachyderm.
His customary dwelling place
Is deep within the human race.
His childish pride he often pleases
By giving people strange diseases.
Do you, my poppet, feel infirm?
You probably contain a germ.
                -- Ogden Nash

A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.

A modem is a baudy house.