Freebsd Fortunes 2

A new taste had been acquired and a new appetite began to grow.  The time
had long since arrived to crush the technical intelligentsia, which had
come to regard itself as too irreplaceable and had not gotten used to
catching instructions on the wing.  In other words, we never did trust
the engineers - and from the very first years of the Revolution we saw to
it that those lackeys and servants of former capitalist bosses were kept
in line by healthy suspicion and surveillance by the workers.
                -- Aleksandr I. Solzhenitsyn, "The Gulag Archipelago"

A New Way of Taking Pills
        A physician one night in Wisconsin being disturbed by a burglar, and
having no ball or shot for his pistol, noiselessly loaded the weapon with
small, hard pills, and gave the intruder a "prescription" which he thinks
will go far towards curing the rascal of a very bad ailment.
                -- Nevada Morning Transcript, January 30, 1861

A New Yorker is riding down the road in his new Mercedes.  So intent is he
on the cocaine in his hand he completely misses a turn and his car plunges
over the five-hundred-foot cliff to be smashed into pieces at the bottom.
As the on-lookers rush to the edge of the cliff they see him fifty feet
from the top of the cliff clinging to a stunted bush with all his strength.
"Dear Lord," he prays, "I never asked you for nothin' before, but I'm askin'
you now: Save me, Lord, save me."
        Booms the Lord: "LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
        "But Lord, if I do that, I'll fall!"
        "TRUST ME, LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
        "But Lord, I'm gonna fall and die..."
        "TRUST ME TO SAVE YOU.  LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
        Okay, Lord, I'll trust you, here I...  here I go!"  And he falls
to his death.
        "DUMB YANKEE."

A New Yorker was driving through Berkeley when he saw a big crowd gathered
by the side of the street.  Curiosity got the better of him and he leaned
out of his window to ask an onlooker what was going on.  The fellow explained
that a protestor against the U.S. position in South America had doused
himself with gasoline and set himself on fire.  "That's terrible," gasped
the man.  "But why is everyone still standing around?"
        "Well, they're taking up a collection for his wife and kids," the
onlooker explained.  "Would you be willing to help?"
        "Well, sure," replied the New Yorker.  "I suppose I could spare a
gallon or two."

A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.
                -- Arthure "Bugs" Baer

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
                -- Yogi Berra

A Nixon [is preferable to] a Dean Rusk -- who will be
passionately wrong with a high sense of consistency.
                -- J.K. Galbraith

A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.
                -- Phyllis Schlafly

A novice asked the Master: "Here is a programmer that never designs,
documents or tests his programs. Yet all who know him consider him
one of the bests programmer in the world. Why is this?"
        The Master replies: "That programmer has mastered the Tao. He has
gone beyond the need for design; he does not become angry when the system
crashes, but accepts the universe without concern. He has gone beyond the
need for documentation; he no longer cares if anyone else sees his code.
He has gone beyond the need for testing; each of his programs are perfect
within themselves, serene and elegant, their purpose self-evident.  Truly,
he has entered the mystery of Tao."

A novice of the temple once approached the Chief Priest with a question.

"Master, does Emacs have the Buddha nature?" the novice asked.

The Chief Priest had been in the temple for many years and could be
relied upon to know these things.  He thought for several minutes
before replying.

"I don't see why not.  It's got bloody well everything else."

With that, the Chief Priest went to lunch.  The novice suddenly achieved
enlightenment, several years later.

Commentary:

His Master is kind,
Answering his FAQ quickly,
With thought and sarcasm.