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A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions
your wife asks you for nothing.
-- Joey Adams
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A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that
your wife will give you for free.
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A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as
"you could blow it in" may be blown in. This rule does not apply if
the ball is more than three inches from the hole, because no one wants
to make a travesty of the game.
-- Donald A. Metz
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A rabbi and a priest are sitting together on a train, and the rabbi leans
over and asks, "So, how high can you advance in your organization?"
The priest replies, "Well, if I am lucky, I guess I could become a
"Well, could you get any higher than that?"
"I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I
might be made an Archbishop."
"Is there any way that you might go higher than that?"
"If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal."
"Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?"
Hesitating a little bit, the priest said, "I suppose that I could
be elected Pope, but only if it's God's will."
"And could you be anything higher than that, is there any way to go
up from being the Pope?"
"What?! I should be the Messiah himself?!"
The rabbi leaned back and smiled. "One of our boys made it."
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A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results
blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.
-- Steel City News
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A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the
entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family.
-- Saul Alinsky
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A real diplomat is one who can cut his neighbor's throat without having
his neighbor notice it.
-- Trygve Lie
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A real estate agent, looking over a farmer's house for possible sale,
commented to the farmer how sturdy the house looked.
The farmer replied, "Yep, built it with my bare hands... did it
the hard way. The steps to the front door, here, carved 'em out of
field stones... did it the hard way. That hardwood floor in the living
room, dovetailed the pieces myself... did it the hard way. The ceiling
beams, made 'em out of my own oak trees... did it the hard way."
Just then, the farmer's gorgeous daughter walked in. The farmer
looks over at the real estate agent who is trying not to stare too
obviously and smiles. "Yep... standing up in a canoe."
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A real friend isn't someone you use once and then throw away.
A real friend is someone you can use over and over again.
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A real gentleman never takes bases unless he really has to.
-- Overheard in an algebra lecture.