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A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call
what he writes fiction.
-- William Faulkner
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A yawn is a silent shout.
-- G.K. Chesterton
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A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
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A young girl once committed suicide because her mother refused her a new
bonnet. Coroner's verdict: "Death from excessive spunk."
-- Sacramento Daily Union, September 13, 1860
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A young man and his girlfriend were walking along Main Street when she spotted
a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry-store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to
have that!" she gushed.
"No problem," her companion replied, throwing a brick through the
window and grabbing the ring.
A few blocks later, the woman admired a full-length sable coat. "What
I'd give to own that," she said, sighing.
"No problem," he said, throwing a brick through the window and grabbing
Finally, turning for home, they passed a car dealership. "Boy, I'd do
anything for one of those Rolls-Royces," she said.
"Jeez, baby," the guy moaned, "you think I'm made of bricks?"
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A young man enters the New York branch of Tiffany's on a Friday evening and
walks up to a display case full of pearl necklaces. He turns to a gorgeous
woman, who is obviously windowshopping, looks her straight in the eye and
says, "I can tell by your eyes that you really want that necklace. If you'll
allow me, I'd like to buy it for you."
The woman looks him up and down; he's wearing a nice suit and some
pretty nice jewelry, but she has trouble believing this story.
"Look, this is some kind of put on, right?"
"No, really. You see, I've got quite a lot of money -- so much that
I could never spend it all. I'd really like for you to have it."
The guys whips out his checkbook, writes a check for five figures,
calls over a clerk and hands it to him. The clerk peers at the check, looks
at the young man, looks at the check again. "Very good, sir. I'm afraid I
can't release the necklace immediately, would Monday be all right?"
"That'll be fine, she'll pick it up." the man replies, and walks out
of the store with the woman following him in a daze.
The next Monday the man comes back in and walks up to the counter.
The same clerk hurries over to him and says, "Sir, I'm sorry to have to tell
you this, but your check was returned for insufficient funds."
"I know," the man replies. "I just wanted to thank you for a
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A young man wrote to Mozart and said:
Q: "Herr Mozart, I am thinking of writing symphonies. Can you give me any
suggestions as to how to get started?"
A: "A symphony is a very complex musical form, perhaps you should begin with
some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony."
Q: "But Herr Mozart, you were writing symphonies when you were 8 years old."
A: "But I never asked anybody how."
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A.A.A.A.A.: An organization for drunks who drive.
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You brute! Knock before entering a ladies room!
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Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.