Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of May, 2013

DELETE A FORTUNE! Don't some of these fortunes just drive...
DELETE A FORTUNE! Don't some of these fortunes just drive you nuts?! Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system? You can! Just mail to "fortune" with the fortune you hate most, and we MIGHT make sure it gets expunged.

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first...
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

JACK AND THE BEANSTACK by Mark...
JACK AND THE BEANSTACK by Mark Isaak Long ago, in a finite state far away, there lived a JOVIAL character named Jack. Jack and his relations were poor. Often their hash table was bare. One day Jack's parent said...

A fisherman off of Cape Cod Said, "I'll bugger that tuna,...
A fisherman off of Cape Cod Said, "I'll bugger that tuna, by God!" But the high-minded fish Resented his wish, And nimbly swam off with his rod.

A happy old hooker named Grace Once sponsored a cunt-lapping...
A happy old hooker named Grace Once sponsored a cunt-lapping race. It was hard for beginners To tell who were winners : There were cunt hairs all over the place.

A lady from Kalamazoo Once found she had nothing to do, ...
A lady from Kalamazoo Once found she had nothing to do, So she sat on the stairs And she counted her hairs: 4,302.

A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room...
A pansy who lived in Khartoum Took a lesbian up to his room. They argued all night Over who had the right To do what, with which, and to whom.

In the case of a lady named Frost, Whose cunt's a good two feet...
In the case of a lady named Frost, Whose cunt's a good two feet acrost, It's the best part of valor To bugger the gal, or You're apt to fall in and get lost.

The limerick, a verse form iniquitous, Has nonetheless been...
The limerick, a verse form iniquitous, Has nonetheless been ubiquitous. Once Congress in session, Declared its suppression, But people got around that by writing the last line with no rhyme or meter.

There once was a clergyman's daughter Who detested the pony...
There once was a clergyman's daughter Who detested the pony he bought her, Till she found that its dong Was as hard and as long As the prayers her father had taught her. She married a fellow named Tony Who soon found her fucking...