Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Monday August 18, 2014

A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine...
A clever young man named Eugene Invented a jack-off machine. On the twenty-third stroke The fuckin' thing broke And beat both his balls to a creame.

A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux Fell in love with a dashing...
A pathetic old maid of Bordeaux Fell in love with a dashing young beau. To arrest his regard She would squat in his yard And longingly pee in the sneaux.

There once was a maid from Mobile Whose cunt was made of blue...
There once was a maid from Mobile Whose cunt was made of blue steel. She only got thrills From pneumatic drills And an off-centered emery wheel.

There once was a man from Bombay He would do it all night...
There once was a man from Bombay He would do it all night and all day He soon became sore You shoulda' heard him roar When his wife rubbed his balls with Ben-Gay!

There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to...
There once was a man from Sydney Who could put it up to her kidney. But the man from Quebec Put it up to her neck; He had a big one, now didn't he?

New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be...
New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be. -- The Grateful Dead