Freebsd Fortunes 7

You are not dead yet.
But watch for further reports.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing
forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.  You are
avenged fourteen hundred and forty times a day.
                -- Ambrose Bierce

You are now in Atlanta, Georgia.
Please set your clocks back 200 years.

You are number 6!  Who is number one?

"You are old, father William," the young man said,
        "And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head --
        Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
        "I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
        Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
        And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door --
        Pray what is the reason of that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
        "I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment -- one shilling the box --
        Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
        For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak --
        Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
        And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw,
        Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
        That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose --
        What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
        Said his father.  "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
        Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!"

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.

You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
Therefore you have few friends.

You are sick, twisted and perverted.
I like that in a person.

You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.