Freebsd Fortunes 5

Rule of Feline Frustration:
        When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly
        content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the
        bathroom.

Rule of Life #1 -- Never get separated from your luggage.

Rule of the Great:
        When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep
        thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.

Rule the Empire through force.
                -- Shogun Tokugawa

Rules for driving in New York:
        1) Anything done while honking your horn is legal.
        2) You may park anywhere if you turn your four-way flashers on.
        3) A red light means the next six cars may go through the
                intersection.

Rules for Good Grammar #4.
 1:     Don't use no double negatives.
 2:     Make each pronoun agree with their antecedents.
 3:     Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
 4:     About them sentence fragments.
 5:     When dangling, watch your participles.
 6:     Verbs has got to agree with their subjects.
 7:     Just between you and i, case is important.
 8:     Don't write run-on sentences when they are hard to read.
 9:     Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
10:     Try to not ever split infinitives.
11:     It is important to use your apostrophe's correctly.
12:     Proofread your writing to see if you any words out.
13:     Correct speling is essential.
14:     A preposition is something you never end a sentence with.
15:     While a transcendant vocabulary is laudable, one must be eternally
        careful so that the calculated objective of communication does not
        become ensconsed in obscurity.  In other words, eschew obfuscation.

Rules for Writers:
        Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.  Don't use no double
negatives.  Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate;
and never where it isn't.  Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and
omit it when its not needed.  No sentence fragments. Avoid commas, that are
unnecessary.  Eschew dialect, irregardless.  And don't start a sentence with
a conjunction.  Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
Write all adverbial forms correct.  Don't use contractions in formal writing.
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.  It is incumbent on
us to avoid archaisms.  Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have
snuck in the language.  Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.  If I've
told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.  Also,
avoid awkward or affected alliteration.  Don't string too many prepositional
phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of
death.  "Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'"

RULES OF EATING -- THE BRONX DIETER'S CREED
         1. Never eat on an empty stomach.
         2. Never leave the table hungry.
         3. When traveling, never leave a country hungry.
         4. Enjoy your food.
         5. Enjoy your companion's food.
         6. Really taste your food.  It may take several portions to
                accomplish this, especially if subtly seasoned.
         7. Really feel your food.  Texture is important.  Compare, for
                example, the texture of a turnip to that of a brownie.
                Which feels better against your cheeks?
         8. Never eat between snacks, unless it's a meal.
         9. Don't feel you must finish everything on your plate. You can
                always eat it later.
        10. Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
        11. Avoid blue food.
                -- The Bronx Diet, "Richard Smith"

Ruling a big country is like cooking a small fish.
                -- Lao Tsu

Rune's Rule:
        If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost.