Humor: Best of Fortunes for Wednesday March 30, 2016

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light...
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools. [Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur. Ed.]

There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long...
There once was a man from Nantucket, Whose cock was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, If my ear were a cunt I could fuck it!

I never pray before meals -- my mom's a good cook.
I never pray before meals -- my mom's a good cook.

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is...
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. -- Totie Fields

If you are what you eat, does that mean Euell Gibbons really...
If you are what you eat, does that mean Euell Gibbons really was a nut?