Linux Kids

Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...

        Good children always obey.
        Quit acting so childish.
        Boys don't cry.
        If you keep making faces, someday it'll freeze that way.
        Why do you have to know so much?
        This hurts me more than it hurts you.
        Why?  Because I'm bigger than you.
        Well, you've ruined everything.  Now are you happy?
        Oh, grow up.
        I'm only doing this because I love you.

Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...

        When are you going to grow up?
        I'm only doing this for your own good.
        Why are you crying?  Stop crying, or I'll give you something to
                cry about.
        What's wrong with you?
        Someday you'll thank me for this.
        You'd lose your head if it weren't attached.
        Don't you have any sense at all?
        If you keep sucking your thumb, it'll fall off.
        Why?  Because I said so.
        I hope you have a kid just like yourself.

Are you a parent?  Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to
say in those awkward situations?  Worry no more...

        You wouldn't understand.
        You ask too many questions.
        In order to be a man, you have to learn to follow orders.
        That's for me to know and you to find out.
        Don't let those bullies push you around.  Go in there and stick
                up for yourself.
        You're acting too big for your britches.
        Well, you broke it.  Now are you satisfied?
        Wait till your father gets home.
        Bored?  If you're bored, I've got some chores for you.
        Shape up or ship out.

Article the Third:
        Where a crime of the kidneys has been committed, the accused should
        enjoy the right to a speedy diaper change.  Public announcements and
        guided tours of the aforementioned are not necessary.
Article the Fourth:
        The decision to eat strained lamb or not should be with the "feedee"
        and not the "feeder".  Blowing the strained lamb into the feeder's
        face should be accepted as an opinion, not as a declaration of war.
Article the Fifth:
        Babies should enjoy the freedom to vocalize, whether it be in church,
        a public meeting place, during a movie, or after hours when the
        lights are out.  They have not yet learned that joy and laughter have
        to last a lifetime and must be conserved.
                -- Erma Bombeck, "A Baby's Bill of Rights"

Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.

Because we don't think about future generations, they will never forget us.
                -- Henrik Tikkanen

Billy:  Mom, you know that vase you said was handed down from
        generation to generation?
Mom:    Yes?
Billy:  Well, this generation dropped it.

Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests,
since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.
                -- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"

        Catching his children with their hands in the new, still wet, patio,
the father spanked them.  His wife asked, "Don't you love your children?"
"In the abstract, yes, but not in the concrete."

Catproof is an oxymoron, childproof nearly so.