Humor: Worst of Fortunes for Friday December 21, 2018

Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history...
Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history of the Church, reigning for two hours and six minutes on 1 April 1866. The white smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before it dawned on the assembled multitudes...

There once was a fellow named Sweeney Who spilled gin all over...
There once was a fellow named Sweeney Who spilled gin all over his weenie. Not being uncouth, He added vermouth And slipped his amour a martini.

There once was a man from Dunoon, Who always ate soup with...
There once was a man from Dunoon, Who always ate soup with a fork. He said "When I eat Either fish, foul or flesh, I otherwise finish too quick."

There was a young lad - name of Durcan Who was always jerkin'...
There was a young lad - name of Durcan Who was always jerkin' his gherkin. His father said, "Durcan Stop jerkin' your gherkin Your gherkin's for ferkin', not jerkin'.

There was a young man from Calcutta Who was heard in his beard...
There was a young man from Calcutta Who was heard in his beard to mutter, "If her Bartholin glands Don't respond to my hands, I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."