Humor: Worst of Fortunes for the month of June, 2018

There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in...
There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. His daughter, named Nan, Ran away with a man, And as for the bucket, Nantucket. The pair of them went to Manhasset, (Nan and the man with the asset.)...

ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken...
ACHTUNG!!! Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fur gewerken by das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen hands in...

How come everyone's going so slow if it's called rush hour?
How come everyone's going so slow if it's called rush hour?

I got this powdered water -- now I don't know what to add...
I got this powdered water -- now I don't know what to add. -- Steven Wright

A cabin boy on an old clipper Grew steadily flipper...
A cabin boy on an old clipper Grew steadily flipper and flipper. He plugged up his ass With fragments of glass And thus circumcised his old skipper.

A girl of the Enterprise crew Refused every offer to screw...
A girl of the Enterprise crew Refused every offer to screw. But a Vulcan named Spock Crawled under her smock, And now she is eating for two.

A hidebound young virgin named Carrie Would say, when...
A hidebound young virgin named Carrie Would say, when the fellows got hairy : "Keep your prick in your pants Till the end of this dance--" Which is why Carrie still has her cherry.

A joker who haunts Monticello Is really a terrible fellow...
A joker who haunts Monticello Is really a terrible fellow. In the midst of caresses He fills ladies dresses With garter snakes, ice cubes, and jello.

A maestro directing in Rome Had a quaint way of driving...
A maestro directing in Rome Had a quaint way of driving it home. Whoever he climbed Had to keep her tail timed To the beat of his old metronome.

A plumber whose name was John Brink Plumbed the cook as...
A plumber whose name was John Brink Plumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink. Her resistance was stout, And John Brink petered out, With his pipe-wrench all limber and pink.