Daily Fortunes

Apr 20, 2016

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back...
I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time. -- Steven Wright

"I said I hope it is a good party," said...
"I said I hope it is a good party," said Galder, loudly. "AT THE MOMENT IT IS," said Death levelly. "I THINK IT MIGHT GO DOWNHILL VERY QUICKLY AT MIDNIGHT." "Why?" "THAT'S WHEN THEY THINK I'LL...

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for...
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second. -- Steven Wright

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm...
I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries. -- George Burns

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers -- they're...
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers -- they're going to make a game out of it. -- Woody Allen

Daily Fortunes for Apr 20, 2016

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