Daily Fortunes

Mar 10, 2019

You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly -- only sooner than...
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly -- only sooner than she thought you would.

You have only to mumble a few words in church to get married...
You have only to mumble a few words in church to get married and few words in your sleep to get divorced.

You just know when a relationship is about to end...
You just know when a relationship is about to end. My girlfriend called me at work and asked me how you change a lightbulb in the bathroom. "It's very simple," I said. "You start by filling up the bathtub with water..."

You know what we can be like: See a guy and think he's cute...
You know what we can be like: See a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair. By the time someone says "I'd like you to meet Cecil," we shout,...

You know you're getting old when you're Dad, and you're...
You know you're getting old when you're Dad, and you're measuring your daughter for camp clothes, and there are certain measurements only her mother is allowed to take.

Daily Fortunes for Mar 10, 2019

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