Humor: Best of Fortunes for Thursday September 4, 2014

The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts...
The Worst Prison Guards The largest number of convicts ever to escape simultaneously from a maximum security prison is 124. This record is held by Alcoente Prison, near Lisbon in Portugal. During the weeks leading up to the escape...

A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than...
A wonderful bird is the pelican. His mouth can hold more than his belican. He can take in his beak Enough food for a week. I'm darned if I know how the helican.

There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on...
There once was a man from Sandem Who was making his girl on a tandem. At the peak of the make She jammed on the brake And scattered his semen at random.

There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views...
There once was a man named Parridge With peculiar views on marriage. He sucked off his brother, Fucked his own mother, And gobbled his sister's miscarriage.

There was a young chap in Arabia Who courted a widow named...
There was a young chap in Arabia Who courted a widow named Fabia. "Yes, my tongue is as long As the average man's dong," He said, licking the lips of her labia.

There was a young damsel named Baker Who was poked in a pew...
There was a young damsel named Baker Who was poked in a pew by a Quaker. He yelled, "My God! what Do you call this -- a twat? Why, the entrance is more than an acre!"

There was a young man, name of Saul, Who was able to bounce...
There was a young man, name of Saul, Who was able to bounce either ball, He could stretch them and snap them, And juggle and clap them, Which earned him the plaudits of all.

If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly.
If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly.

The common cormorant, or shag, Lays eggs inside a paper...
The common cormorant, or shag, Lays eggs inside a paper bag; The reason, you will see, no doubt, Is to keep the lightning out. But what these unobservant birds Have failed to notice is that herds Of bears may come with buns And steal the bags to hold...