Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday August 2, 2016

Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with...
Q: What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard? A: You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!

I've finally found the perfect girl, I couldn't ask...
I've finally found the perfect girl, I couldn't ask for more, She's deaf and dumb and over-sexed, And owns a liquor store.

If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, ... it expects...
If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, ... it expects what never was and never will be. -- Thomas Jefferson

If all be true that I do think, There be five reasons why...
If all be true that I do think, There be five reasons why one should drink; Good friends, good wine, or being dry, Or lest we should be by-and-by, Or any other reason why.

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork...
The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. -- Ogden Nash