Humor: Best of Fortunes for Tuesday June 25, 2019

There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing...
There once was a man from Racine, Who invented a screwing machine. Both concave and convex, It could please either sex, But, oh, what a bastard to clean!

There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town...
There once was a young man from Boston Who drove around town in an Austin, There was room for his ass, And a gallon of gas, So he hung out his balls and he lost 'em.

An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.

As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying...
As failures go, attempting to recall the past is like trying to grasp the meaning of existence. Both make one feel like a baby clutching at a basketball: one's palms keep sliding off. -- Joseph Brodsky

At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all...
At ebb tide I wrote a line upon the sand, and gave it all my heart and all my soul. At flood tide I returned to read what I had inscribed and found my ignorance upon the shore. -- Kahlil Gibran

At the end of your life there'll be a good rest, and no further...
At the end of your life there'll be a good rest, and no further activities are scheduled.

Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt...
Beauty is one of the rare things which does not lead to doubt of God. -- Jean Anouilh

By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration...
By protracting life, we do not deduct one jot from the duration of death. -- Titus Lucretius Carus