Freebsd Fortunes 7

You never have to figure out what to get for children, because they will
tell you exactly what they want.  They spend months and months researching
these kinds of things by watching Saturday- morning cartoon-show
advertisements.  Make sure you get your children exactly what they ask for,
even if you disapprove of their choices.  If your child thinks he wants
Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You Can Rip Right Off, you'd better
get it.  You may be worried that it might help to encourage your child's
antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen antisocial tendencies
until you've seen a child who is convinced that he or she did not get the
right gift.
                -- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"

You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.

You never know what is enough until you know what is more than enough.
                -- William Blake

You never learned anything by doing it right.

You never realize how many friends you
have until you rent a house at the beach.

You notice that after Ginzburg admitted he had tried marijuana everyone
got in line to admit it, too.  But you also notice they all said they
"experimented" with marijuana.  The didn't "use" it; they "experimented"
with it.  Let me tell you something -- Jonas Salk "experiments"; these
guys were getting stoned!
                -- Johnny Carson

You now have Asian Flu.

You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.

You plan things that you do not even
attempt because of your extreme caution.

You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.