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When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see
the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain
relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten.
-- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
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When a woman gives me a present I have always two surprises:
first is the present, and afterward, having to pay for it.
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When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband.
When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife.
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When alerted to an intrusion by tinkling glass or otherwise, 1) Calm
yourself 2) Identify the intruder 3) If hostile, kill him.
Step number 3 is of particular importance. If you leave the guy alive
out of misguided softheartedness, he will repay your generosity of spirit
by suing you for causing his subsequent paraplegia and seek to force you
to support him for the rest of his rotten life. In court he will plead
that he was depressed because society had failed him, and that he was
looking for Mother Teresa for comfort and to offer his services to the
poor. In that lawsuit, you will lose. If, on the other hand, you kill
him, the most that you can expect is that a relative will bring a wrongful
death action. You will have two advantages: first, there be only your
story; forget Mother Teresa. Second, even if you lose, how much could
the bum's life be worth anyway? A Lot less than 50 years worth of
paralysis. Don't play George Bush and Saddam Hussein. Finish the job.
-- G. Gordon Liddy's Forbes column on personal security
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When Alexander Graham Bell died in 1922, the telephone people
interrupted service for one minute in his honor. They've been
honoring him intermittently ever since, I believe.
-- The Grab Bag
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When all else fails, EAT!!!
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When all else fails, pour a pint of Guinness in the gas tank, advance
the spark 20 degrees, cry "God Save the Queen!", and pull the starter
-- MG "Series MGA" Workshop Manual
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When all else fails, read the instructions.
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When all else fails, try Kate Smith.
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When all other means of communication fail, try words.