Freebsd Fortunes 7

Whenever a system becomes completely defined,
some damn fool discovers something which either
abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to
laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.  Struggle
to become a parrot or something.
                -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.

Whenever anyone says, "theoretically," they really mean "not really".
                -- Dave Parnas

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?
                -- Rita Rudner

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel
a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
                -- A. Lincoln

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct
is to laugh.  But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me.
Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
                -- Jack Handey

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
                -- Oscar Wilde

Whenever Richard Cory went downtown,
        We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
        Clean-favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
        And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
        "Good morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich -- yes, richer than a king --
        And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
        To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
        And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
        Went home and put a bullet through his head.
                -- E.A. Robinson, "Richard Cory"

Whenever someone tells you to take their advice,
you can be pretty sure that they're not using it.